The Big Think

November 25, 2017


Filed under: Disclosure,Friends — jasony @ 9:24 pm

Twenty years ago my friend Jeff Starnes stood by my side when Erin and I got married. He was one of my best friends through so many Baylor adventures. Ski trips, Freshman music theory, choir, first jobs. We helped each other through music school. We stayed up all night talking about all the things we would do. We saw each other marry the love of our lives. Jeff was there on many occasions when I needed him. I hope I was there for him.

I hadn’t talked to him in years (life, family, and distance does that) but it was always fun to see his great big family in pictures on Facebook. The few times we did meet it was like no time had passed at all. Just instant remembrance of the times we spent together. I kept meaning to call him and figure out a way to see each other. Surely there would be time. There is always time.

But today I learned of his passing the day after Thanksgiving. I still don’t know how to process it. I mean: it’s Jeff. Jeff! Even though we haven’t been together in years, he’s still there, right? All I can think about is what a good friend he was and the family he left behind. And then I want to run out — sprint out, tonight– and do all the things that I have been meaning to but haven’t done because of some stupid, inadequate, self-defeating reason. Because I don’t know enough, or have enough, or because I am afraid. Or because I figured that there was always more time.

But mostly I’m just numb that my friend isn’t here any more.

Since I heard the news today the same verse fragment has been running through my head:

“…so that you do not grieve as those who have no hope.”
1 Thessalonians 1:13

This is true. This is reliable. This is real. As believers we cling to these things when the world make no sense. These words change everything, even when we don’t understand.

Because there are so many things in life that I do not understand.

I’ll miss you, brother.


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